trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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