My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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