Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
