I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
