She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
