Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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