I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's always time for handjobs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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