I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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