Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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