You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
