non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
