thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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