know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
