But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
