you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
