Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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