Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
