I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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