There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
