You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
