Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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