Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
