ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
