Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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