Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
