Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
