Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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