his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
