Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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