Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
