NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
