i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
