I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
