Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
