I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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