They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
