we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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