We're like a lot better than the average bears
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
