It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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