If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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