i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
