cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
