you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
