dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
