So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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