Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
