She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
