i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize