Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
