I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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