paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
