Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
