Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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