The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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