whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
