I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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