I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
