No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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