I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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