I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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