it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
