In the future we'll all be gay
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
