dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
