I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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