You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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