I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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