Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
