I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
