I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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