My hand turned me down
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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