you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
