i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
