You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
