You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Bring me that man meat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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