So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
false alarm, still single
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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