You really coming over, don't trick.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
