You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
