I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
