Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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