i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
